Friday, November 13, 2015

Fashion Faux Pas: Scroguard--a Condom for Your Whole Pelvis!


Yes, I know...the picture above is quite disturbing. This product was actually brought to my attention by my favorite (and only) sister, Jenna-Rose, who knows about my need to see ridiculous things.

So, here it is: The Scroguard. The basic idea? It's
a product developed to reduce skin-to-skin contact in the genital areas that are not covered by a condom. According to the site, it is made to prevent certain STDs:

"Both genital herpes and HPV can spread to your scrotum and pubic region through direct skin-to-skin contact and genital secretions during sex, even from someone who has completely normal looking skin with no visible warts or sores."

While I do commend the company for attempting to help lower the risk of getting an STD, I find this idea to be a bit preposterous.

Honestly, if I were about to bone someone, and he pulled out plastic panties with a hole for his penis, and then threw on a condom, I'd not only be concerned--I'd be freaked out and would immediately get out of that situation.

I really don't know what would be worse: if the guy had the panties on beforehand (during a date), or if he changed into them right before sex. I mean, let's be honest. Even putting a condom on can take up a bit of time. I imagine that putting on the Scroguard, even with the fancy snaps, would also take another large chunk of time. So, it would basically take around five minutes before the guy is ready to bang, which is a turn-off all on its own. But seeing the plastic, diaper-esque, undies would probably be a deal breaker for me, as well as the most absolute turn-off possible.

The site also lists the type of people they think would benefit the most from using the Scroguard:
  • Men with a high sex drive who enjoy sexual variety.
  • Couples and individuals who love to swing.
  • Casual sex partners and committed couples who want peace of mind.
So, it's kind of like a Slutguard...in fact, that'd probably be a better name. And THANK GOD the site gives directions--how would anyone know how to put on plastic panties? From the directions, it's easy to see how confusing this product can be:
Step 1: Before sex, put on Scroguard. Fasten buttons.
Step 2. When ready, put on a condom as you normally do, being sure to tuck the base of the condom inside Scroguard.
Step 3. Make love. After sex, unfasten the two buttons of Scroguard and remove. Then pull the condom off.

Thanks so much, Scroguard! I especially enjoy the instruction to "make love". The customers the site describes don't really seem like the "make love" type. But hey, it sounds classier, so whatevs!

In case you were wondering, you can either dispose the Scroguard, OR wash it and reuse it! Woohoo! I'm sure that's great news as each individual one is about $20. Pretty pricey. I say, get some plastic wrap and just make your own if you're into this idea.

Happy guarding, guys!

That is all.
 

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